I am a 25-year-old college educated woman. My boyfriend, Jim, and I have been together for over a year. Jim is a very good to me, has a good job, and lately, we’ve been talking marriage. So, what’s the problem? Jim is the most unromantic guy I’ve ever known. Our sex is good but devoid of cuddling or pillow-talk. I’ve told him how important the romantic stuff is to me, and he tries, for a while, he really does, but he always seems to slip right back into bare-bones, no frills sex; help!
Dear No Romance,
No Romance.
Clearly, you and Jim are opposites when it comes to sex and romance.
The old saying ‘opposites attract’ is often true. You may have originally been attracted by Jim’s cool, business-like living style, and he to your more passionate ways; each being drawn to styles you couldn’t do. However, those differences which once seemed so attractive, over the long-haul, became annoying. “Can he really be so unemotional?” you think’ while he wonders, “Why does she make everything so mushy?” What has to happen here is for each of you to stop judging each other and see your different ways as just different, not wrong. It sounds like you both really care enough for each other to succeed. Still, I believe a good therapist might be the best for helping you and Jim find ways to reach ways for making your relationship work.