What to Do When Your Partner is Distant

According to John Gray, the Author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,” men must pull away and then spring back and reconnect, just like a rubber band. Women tend to chase after their spouses when they pull away, but instead of worrying, you must consider allowing them to have their space and trust that they will be back. Ladies, try thinking of it like this: Your husband is at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and he is really enjoying it; he fills himself up until he just can’t fit another bite. He can’t eat anymore and needs time to feel hungry again! His appetite for you is the same way. It’s simply a man’s intimacy cycle.

Women have an intimacy cycle also. When a woman feels loved, she rises like a wave. Her self-esteem rises, and she is loving and happy, and then her mood may suddenly change, and she crashes down and feels low. Gentlemen: be supportive, allow her to feel her emotions and validate them. Perhaps she is overwhelmed, overworked, and feeling unappreciated. When she is crashing, she feels depleted, like she has nothing left to give, and it may take her some time to reconnect with her emotions and ability to express love. That’s a woman’s intimacy cycle.

Okay, so your partner is distant and perhaps you are feeling a bit anxious. What should you do? The top answer is on the board! Give them space! Rest assured that your spouse is not trying to hurt you. In a healthy relationship, they are not attempting to punish you either. Learn to be a secure partner. Grant your partner the space they need and don’t take it personally. Why not take the opportunity to give yourself some TLC!

However, if your partner requires too much distancing, you must let them know. Knowing what to say to your partner when they are distant can be challenging. So if you are at a loss for words, here are three phrases to help you lovingly communicate with your spouse.

1. I feel disconnected. Is everything okay between us?

2. I miss spending quality time with you. Can we make some time for each other this weekend?

3. I respect that you need space, but I also need to feel connected to you. How can we balance both of our needs?

There are so many ways that you can speak lovingly to your spouse when they are distant. The goal is to let them know they are loved, and that you value them and your marriage. Our relationships can only benefit when we intentionally choose to seek understanding of each other.