Son, brother, father, lover, friend. There is room in the heart for all the affections, as there is room in heaven for all the stars.
- Victor Hugo
I’ve been watching modern fathers. Their roles have changed. No longer defined solely as breadwinners, the happiest dads I see are indeed lifting their children high, to see the stars in heaven as the world goes by.
This Father’s Day article is about honoring our Dads, on being a Dad, or Grandad, and the modern Dad who is blazing a new trail for his family, and for the future of his children.
I am preparing to send my son, A.J., a letter his father wrote when he was turning 13. I’ve been holding it for 15 years. It seems that now is the right time to gift it to him. I want A.J. to know the personal thoughts that were not expressed verbally. I’m sure your Dad had many feelings that weren’t articulated either, so what I want you to know is as the precious child you were, in the way it was appropriate while growing up, what you received was merely an expression of the era, and there was so much more hidden within the heart. Maybe you can see, while in a restaurant or on a trip, the new and modern father-child bond, and celebrate the changing times, knowing your loved ones will be the beneficiaries of a deeper, more inclusive relationship with their dads.
Modern dads, I’ve learned, increasingly view their position as an opportunity to be better parents, rather than simply a challenge in juggling work-life balance. Millennial parenting is more about the freedom to choose to be free from old stereotypes. They are less guided by tradition on what to do and how to be better parents.
Not so long ago, a father’s job was to bring home a paycheck, cut the grass, fix things, tell the kids when they were misbehaving, and in many instances, be the disciplinarian in harsh ways. There was a fairly strict dividing line between the roles of mothers and fathers. Now it’s different. Families have changed in the past 25 years, and parenting roles are not as clear as they once were.
Today, there is a much greater emphasis on a dad’s involvement in his child’s life. Research has shown that the involvement of a father is associated with several positive characteristics in children such as increased empathy, selfesteem, self-control, confidence, psychological well-being, social competence, life skills, educational success, and a reduction in genderstereotyped beliefs.
Anastasia Moley, Early Childhood Development Specialist, writes in The Tot, “The 21st century dad is more involved in the emotional support of his family than his father was, and much more so than his father’s father. Now, beginning with the pregnancy and birth of the child, dads play a more hands-on role. From attending doctor appointments, to being a labor coach during delivery, and helping with nighttime diaper changes, dads are stepping up their game.”
Roland Warren, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting responsible fatherhood, acknowledges that historically men are good at knowing that they need to be the provider, but with shifting roles, most dads today understand that it is not enough to just provide, but they must also nurture and guide their child’s development.
I like what I see happening with dads. They are adding to the nurturing of their children on a day-today basis. Research across families from all ethnic backgrounds suggests dads who are actively engaged with their families help to promote their children’s social and emotional development.
Experts believe the best approach a modern dad can take is to listen without judgment, and share without pushing too hard.
Being empathetic and loving your family will help them understand that even though dads don’t know everything, they will always do their best.
A dad may be just an ordinary man, but he is also his child’s hero and role model.
So when you look at your dad, your husband who is a dad, or look up to the heavens to see your father, let the best shine through, and make this Father’s Day meaningful for YOU!
Happy Father’s Day! And Happy Summer too on June 21st !