“Dr. Happy” has been speaking and writing on happiness ever since developing his own deep, inner happiness 20 years ago. Bob is Professor Emeritus from UC. San Francisco and is the author of Happy 4 Life: Here’s How to Do It. Dear Readers, please send your happiness questions to “Ask Dr. Happy” at Pollyannan@aol.com
Dear Dr. Happy, Marcus and I are both single, in our mid-twenties, and have been dating for two years. We plan on getting married sometime next year. We agree on most things and get along great except for one thing:
he’s a real extrovert and I’m an introvert. I used to love and admire the way he was able to start a conversation so easily with almost anyone. However, I’m beginning to be annoyed now. Dr. H, he’ll talk with strangers while waiting in the bank line, in grocery store checkout lines, even with people sitting next to him on the bus. Dr. H, help! I love this man and want to marry him. Should I just ignore my annoyance over this or is it a clue that I’m not as into him as I thought?
Worried Dear Worried, What you are experiencing is not uncommon when two people get together who operate in very different ways. In your case, as an introvert, you were initially attracted to Marcus in part because he so easily was able to be so friendly and outgoing while you would find this to be uncommonly difficult. However, over the longhaul, what you initially found charming now makes you wonder: “how can he function that way?”
So, ‘Worried,’ unless you can choose to respect and appreciate his extroversion, I believe your relationship with Marcus is in serious danger. Give it a try but if you continue being annoyed by his out going ness, you will need to seriously consider moving on.