Dear Dr. Happy,
Frannie and I have been married for five years and have two children, a boy five and a three-year-old girl. We get along great except that I am not sexually attracted to Frannie anymore. When we were married, she was, well, pleasingly plump. Bet she’s gained more than fifteen pounds over the past year and is to the point now where she doesn’t turn me on anymore. Frannie says her weight is fine and besides, if I love her, I should want her sexually no matter what she weighs. Dr. Happy, I do love her but I just don’t feel attracted to her that way when she is so heavy.
Most marriages go through two distinct phases, a romantic phase that generally lasts 2-4 years and, if the marriage is good, the romantic phase evolves into a companionate one. The main focus during the romantic period is for the couple to learn to know each other well. This is also the time where sex plays a major role. When the marriage is a good one, a lasting one, the romantic period will evolve into a long, lasting bond where companionship and mutual support and understanding are featured. This, while not as exciting as romance, can be even richer, more deeply satisfying. However, I am concerned that you and Frannie may not be making that transition and therefore strongly recommend that you consider marriage therapy. You have children now and owe it to them as well as yourselves to do everything you can to succeed in transitioning into a mutually nourishing, long term relationship.
Frannie and I have been married for five years and have two children, a boy five and a three-year-old girl. We get along great except that I am not sexually attracted to Frannie anymore. When we were married, she was, well, pleasingly plump. Bet she’s gained more than fifteen pounds over the past year and is to the point now where she doesn’t turn me on anymore. Frannie says her weight is fine and besides, if I love her, I should want her sexually no matter what she weighs. Dr. Happy, I do love her but I just don’t feel attracted to her that way when she is so heavy.
Any advice?
Dear Any,Most marriages go through two distinct phases, a romantic phase that generally lasts 2-4 years and, if the marriage is good, the romantic phase evolves into a companionate one. The main focus during the romantic period is for the couple to learn to know each other well. This is also the time where sex plays a major role. When the marriage is a good one, a lasting one, the romantic period will evolve into a long, lasting bond where companionship and mutual support and understanding are featured. This, while not as exciting as romance, can be even richer, more deeply satisfying. However, I am concerned that you and Frannie may not be making that transition and therefore strongly recommend that you consider marriage therapy. You have children now and owe it to them as well as yourselves to do everything you can to succeed in transitioning into a mutually nourishing, long term relationship.