Dear Dr. Happy, I am so unhappy. My husband, Mac, and I are both in our mid 30’s and really want to have a child. We’ve tried without success so we went for a fertility evaluation and learned that I am the problem. I was kind of wild as a teen and contracted gonorrhea which caused me to be sterile. I feel so guilty! I really don’t want to adopt; I want my own baby. Mac’s been very supportive but I know he’s disappointed. He’s suggested adopting but it wouldn’t really be ours. I’m at my wits’ end.
Desperate
Dear Desperate, You didn’t mention it but since you’ve been evaluated for fertility, I suspect you know there are ways you can have a baby using a surrogate or even in vitro fertiliza tion.
But, from the tone of your question, it sounds like your biggest problem is guilt along with non-acceptance of your sterility. That happened a long time ago when you were young and foolish. It sounds like you’ve matured a lot since then. What you need to do now is accept what happened, forgive yourself, and move forward. You can’t change what’s happened and being guilty over it just adds more suffering to your pain. We all have things we’ve done that we regret but have to accept in order to move on with our lives. Please forgive yourself, consider adoption, and dedicate yourself to making good decisions now rather than wishing for a better past. It sounds like you have a supportive husband to help you, so count your blessings and move forward rather than looking backward.