Masks are fun on Halloween, but what about the “masks” we wear in our day-to-day lives? Did you know masking our true selves can harm our relationships and marriages? As a team leader at Worldwide Marriage Encounter, I taught couples the importance of removing the “masks” we wear in our daily lives. We tend to put on masks because it is easier than being our authentic selves. We wear masks because we are afraid that our partner will see the parts of us that we desperately want to hide, and we want to protect ourselves from hurt and rejection. In psychology, this is called Masking.
There are many types of masks that we wear. Maybe you use humor to protect yourself? Are you controlling because you crave a sense of security? Perhaps you are always calm and collected because you’re afraid to show your emotions. Does being a people pleaser make you feel worthy of love and friendships?
We especially wear masks when we first start dating. We are on our best behavior to make a good impression. We want to be everything our partner needs and wants. Sometimes, we even pretend to be someone we aren’t. We don’t want our partners to see our imperfections, faults and inadequacies. We somehow believe that if our partner sees the “real” us, they won’t love us.
The problem with masking is that keeping it up is exhausting. When we hide behind these masks and never allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our partners, we rob them and ourselves of true love. Intimacy becomes stifled by the masks we wear. We all wear masks; sometimes, we wear different masks with different people. Ask yourself who you are your most authentic self with. Now ask yourself why? Typically, your answer will sound something like this: “Because I can be myself around them.” Doesn’t being your authentic self feel incredible?!
So why not be vulnerable to your spouse? Remember that being vulnerable in your relationship is a strength. I mean, think about it. You share the same bed and bathroom, for goodness’ sake! No need to hide behind your mask! The love and intimacy that you are craving is basically the hunger for authenticity. At some point, your spouse needs to see the real you. Someone must go first. Why not let it be you? If it’s intimacy and connection you want, then being authentic means everything! You are MORE than enough. You are lovable. Being your true self is not a trick, it’s a real treat! Happy Halloween! Be safe!
