“Don’t get too deep, it leads to overthinking, and overthinking leads to problems that doesn’t even exist in the first place.”
– Jayson Engay
Here’s a process that may help:
• Notice. Often when we’re caught up in a loop or overthinking, we aren’t aware of it. It seems like the right thing to do, to keep thinking about this thing that’s worrying us. But to break out of the loop, we have to notice we’re in it. What signs have you noticed that will point out to you when you’re in a loop? For many people, it’s a rising amount of anxiety, worry, inability to sleep or inability to focus. For others, it might be a desire to lash out at someone, or to plan or otherwise get control. The key is just to notice you’re in it.
• Turn toward the underlying fear. Once you’ve noticed, the trick is to look beyond the thing you think needs to be solved… to the fear underneath. It’s like not looking at the hand the magician is trying to direct your attention to, but to their other hand that is hiding the coin. Don’t look at the object of your thoughts or the problem you need to solve, but the fear that’s having you want to obsess and overthink. What are you feeling right now, in your body?
• Be with the fear. Before we let go of the overthinking, we have to be with the feeling of fear that’s in our body. Otherwise it’s like trying to calm a freaked out child by ignoring them. What if instead we could be with the fear and relax with it, so it can relax? Can you feel the fear as sensation, and stay with it? Can you breathe deeply and slowly, so you can slow your heartbeat and relax with the fear? Can you bring curiosity toward it?
• Ask what’s needed. Ask what your fear could use right now – some compassion, some music, a nice cup of tea, journaling, or a walk? Then ask what’s needed in the situation you’re overthinking – what’s the simplest thing you could do here, what’s the simplest way you could speak from the heart? Then trust that, breathe, and move to the present moment.
• Turn toward something right in front of you. What’s something right in front of you that you could focus on? For me, it might be the light in the room, nature, another person. Or it might be answering an email or writing a post. Something simple, right in front of me. I trust what I’ve chosen will suffice, and then I focus on something in the here and now.
This isn’t about getting this perfect or never overthinking or obsessing. I still get caught up in loops all the time. But I accept that as a part of my humanity and love the fear that’s creating it. Then I practice.
