Dear Dr. Happy,
I am a 66-year-old woman who, after divorcing my first husband, Fred, three years ago, married my current husband, Sam, two years ago. Sam works at his own business all day, and I’m home alone all week. About six months ago, Fred e-mailed me, and we’ve been writing back and forth ever since. It started out mainly newsy but it’s becoming a little flirty more recently. I do enjoy our exchanges but have no interest in leaving Sam and getting back with Fred. Now I’m beginning to worry that if Sam discovered Fred and I are writing, he might consider it cheating.
Should I break it off?
Dear “Break it off,” This sounds to me a little like:
“When the cat’s away, the mice will play.” But, seriously, I do consider what you and Fred are doing as at least an early case of cheating. First of all, if it were innocent, why haven’t you told Sam?
Also, you admit that it is becoming flirty. So I would ask you how you would feel if you discovered Sam was e-mailing flirty comments back and forth with another woman and not telling you about it? The basis of a solid marriage is honesty. Either commit to letting Sam know what you and Fred are doing or break it off. Consider instead getting a hobby or spending more time during the day with a girlfriend. What you are doing now is likely to work against your marriage.
